Doing as I am told.

Sizzling out…

Ok. Finally I am getting beat. So quickly too. My enthusiasm lasted no longer than a few weeks. Maybe its nothing to do with blogging. Maybe it has to do with my moods. My life has been changing drastically and in the turbulent changes, rather than record them, I have preferred to channel my energy into making sense of the events and its resultant changes.

I can tell you a llittle bit of myself here, as much as I can even understand. My life moves very quickly. Not outwardly, but inner changes, inner perspectives, inner Aha!s. I am not made for the patient persistent long haul. If I did, it would be because of some ‘trick’ maneuvers.  Like I’d make a lot of action, churn up a lot of dust and then leave the spot to attend to something else, then come back later (time indefinite) and continue the next churning. So fits and starts are more my thing, except that exceptionally so, it seems to work because they are fits and starts on the same lines. I can only go further down the line from each interaction.  I have come a long long way. Probably because as I observe myself, I keep coming back to my same favourite topics. Time and again. And because I have time and the benefit of getting on in years, I have the time enough to get to the bottom of some things finally.

Of course, that does leave many open projects undone. But who says they will remain so ? I have despaired, but I have been amazed too, just what I have accomplished but not doing it the ‘normal’ way.You can say Jack of all trades master of none. But that is not true either. I am master of one. But ok, that’s the exceptional thing. Due to livelihood reasons, I have had to stick it out whether I liked it or not and keep on doing it. Voila, I actually got so good at it that even I have my own private laughter now how it came to be. Yes, its given me much pleasure.

But I cannot say the same for making a fantastic blog, the kind we read about and supposed to aspire to.There are too many technical stuff for me to get to, which would be fine if I would just get to them. Like doing my Gravatar, that I learnt about today. I have made comments on other blogs and been told that they couldn’t check me out because I did not have a link to my blogs. That deflates me even more. So I went to read about Gravatar, and read the various posts about them, figure out the privacy stuff, for example Facebook (nothing to do with gravatar)  gives me the creeps how they take over the personal information and give it to their affiliates. Gravatar setup. Maybe tomorrow.

I have not  yet figured out how to connect my shots from the camera to the computer to be uploaded to wordpress. Maybe its just a matter of connecting a cable and the download is automatic (I wish, maybe I can wait some more years for that to happen, or is it happening already?) . The point is, I have to read or figure out the technical stuff of the camera, which has nothing directly to do with blogging.

For some people, it shouldn’t be difficult. A breeze in fact, but for me, I really am not that way inclined. Maybe being of reasonable intellect I should be able to accomplish it quickly, but even then, the energy required to just focus ‘me’ eyes and brain and fingers and hands to just do it, the inertia is tremendous huge.

So because I have a whole rest of my lifetime to figure it out, if not then mayhaps the next and next (I definitely hope not, what a drag), I won’t get too  particularly agitated about it. I am not depending on it to put food on my table or to soften my mattress.

Sometimes you can also say, the time that I spend whining about it and resisting it, if I would only just sit down and focus, I would already have it done and pat.

I can’t comment more on that. I don’t have more understanding. I suppose you can say, I have better things to do and things that I want to do that are more pleasant than going through a technical manual which might not even enlighten me one bit after reading it. I think I have too many patterned failures since the early days of the computer. The computer has its own language. Its language is a unique language to itself even if it sounds English. For example, you’d think deleting something will fix the problem. But now, there is such a thing called Uninstall.  Conditioned to expect failure and hardship even if things are so much easier and simpler these days.

But I am getting older these days. My adrenalin needs are not as high. You wouldn’t catch me dead sitting down for too long before. There are too many sports and games and outdoor activities to do. But now being older and having done a lot of fun stuff,  I am getting better at the sitting. Which is why I can be begin my blog and writing life.

And after the sizzling out, life begins again. I have accomplished today’s blog !






One response

  1. Pingback: Yuck is Yuck | Sheryl's Blog

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