Write something I care about ? Something from yesterday’s topic? Something I couldn’t be bothered anymore to want to write about?
Life and Death.
Are you living?
Are you a Living Dead?
I met up with an old pal of mind whom I knew since we were in our older teens.
We met up every so often, once every few months, or once a year, but we met up.
We’d trade stories, hers was a settled life very much the kind you read about. The good kind, the ideal kind. She made it happen that way.
I was more the adventurous type, off the beaten path, well, sanely beaten path,
exploring life and the freaks of the mind.
I explored humankind through the experiences of my own life, thinking, feeling, reflecting, experiencing
And comparing that with society’s norms and representations.
I questioned everything that didn’t make sense that other people seemed to accept as truth. Well, other people’s fine senses did the economy in didn’t it?
I learnt how ludicrous people can be and righteously so.
I looked at my own unreasonable illogical ways.
I found that my unreasonable illogical ways has its own wisdom and intelligent path that brought me deep understanding and joy of life sitting in my own skin comfortably while the world can go to pots around me.
I found it laughable and weird that I sweated not the big stuff but the really teensy petty stuffs.
Like here’s one, I am not afraid to die, ready to die at anytime, all things sorted but having a bit of a problem knowing what to do with life. Life Everyday.
So I looked for answers. Yes the great bible. Through and through 3 times through the new testament and one time through the whole entire old testament. Boring really, which king did what and was good, the next king came over and it was bad. etc. So yes anyone wanna throw quotes out at me, better know what they are talking about personally. I mean hey, if all you can say is only bible verses then leave me alone. I can read too. You got anything innerestin to say yourself? Are you anybody or just a clone ?
I lived it for a bit, but no fulfilling answers to an intelligent seeking mind.
So experiencing life, questioning, living life, noting life, questioning. I explored other ancient texts modernized and looked for possible glimmer of reasonable explanations, those that goes straight to the heart and has it say ‘Yeah’. ‘oh no wonder’.
I tried this, dabble that, examined life through the life span. Kids, adults, old age.
So my main question would be, what is life all about? What’s the big deal? What’s with the Joneses ? What’s all this slogging for a home then retire and go die?
So I became pretty preoccupied with Death.
If you have to Die, why do you got to live?
What’s the whole point of life if you just end up gotta die?
And if you’re gonna die, then how do you die? Miserable clinging to life?
Die gloriously and gracefully ?
There is this book, I bought for its name. Not that I read it. I bought two of them actually, because I couldn’t find the first one. I bought it for the main point. The Tibetan Book of the Dead. Don’t ask me what’s in there, I never got around to reading it. But its this : To know how to Die is to know how to live. I thought about that for a long time.
Don’t be so disgraceful, to die clinging to life.
I mean hey, if you managed to live long and have hair whiter than any one elses, then be a shining example and lead the way. Don’t cling to the young afraid of that end? What’s the young/younger gonna know about the other side? You are closer to it. How they gonna help you ? You should be the one leading the way, so that the younger know not to be afraid and to live life gracefully.
But what do we find instead? The old competing with the kids for attention. The old hanging on to their glory of yester years. Hey tell me some fresh glorious news for today. The old hanging to the young for dear life.
Grumpy, complaining, miserable. That the result of the many scores of living years? That’s a miserable waste of a whole life lived.
Anyway, I was talking about the meal with my old pal.
We talked about Steve Job.
We talked about a mutual friend, I was shocked with the news that her husband had died , accident, fall, head hit the rock. She was with triplets. But which is worse, for her that her husband died or that when he was living, he was two timing her and made her life a living hell?
So I said, Hey, We Win ! We are still alive !
I mean Steve Jobs lost. He worked himself to death.
Yes we win because we changed our lives however to fit with our lives. For good, or for bad, we tried it.
It was a good meeting, looking at our faces and bodies maturing, knowing we were maturing, with lots of stories behind us, we’d come a long ways, different ways maybe, but a long ways. It felt comfortable. It felt great.
I said to her, I am ready to die, I mean I lived out my main dreams already. What else is there to do? There is nothing too serious going on, nothing more to prove, I’d already done it. The rest is quite frivolous. Lighthearted. Sweating the petty stuffs. Yeah I do still get my mind all locked up and round and round.
So I had a new goal for the year to come, pare down my belongings. Live lighter and freer. The sense of freedom. Ah…
I mean the world is quite potty isn’t it? I mean how can you be serious about such madness? Hey I am not making light of the effect on an individual’s basic needs. But really! I mean hey why did the jobs go to China? The unions are a great reason isn’t it? Wanna blame the unions? Of course nobody does, but in a competitive economy, pricing and cost is a great factor. Employees should try being employers before complaining about big baddies of corporations. Try being a boss, employees actually have the easier jobs.
Adults, education, status and smart suits don’t make em smarter. Just smarter looking and convincingly so.
What’s my point? Well, I am getting to the other side too. It’s nearer to me now, it is in sight. But by golly, let me trail blaze the path, my way. I can’t set everything right, but let me set somethings straight.
What’s the reason of life? I don’t know. At least I don’t repeat the same things the same way. That makes it in the very least interesting enough. Having death in my face via other people suddenly freed me up even more to just get on with it.
Because I am quite a scaredy cat. For any of my adventures, I will hum and haw and worry and think round and round and get very scared and tremble and complain before I actually get the boot to get on with it. But I do get on with it, thankfully. Albeit having to rub my sore bum. What a kick in the butt.
And yes, with lots of stories to tell.
That is why I am on this blog. Trying to tell em. Unsuccessfully, until Scott Berkun’s topic of the day. Brilliant topic !