Isn’t that great ?
Everything that I write needs to be fresh it seems. I was writing full speed when by accident I wiped out part of what I wrote, I was unable to repeat myself. I didn’t want to. Fresh. Fresh off the market !
I guess I need to tell of the joy of being me.
The joy of being able to choose joyful choices. I was gleeful when I realized that. I had been stuck in a situation, I wasn’t able to think what to do beyond the obvious. Suddenly I thought, what makes me happy? So it was that simple and all other decisions fell into place. How simple can choices be ?
I am also happy when I realized that the love that I was aiming for, to learn about, to be, is that unconditional type. I say, ‘that unconditional type’ because I do not know exactly what it entails, except that my heart is open, wide, unafraid and how beautiful it is, how wonderful it feels, how joyful my life becomes.
Of course I am also exploring other bits about love but most of all, all things come from that unconditional love that is so big, that is towards nobody in particular but just loving and heading out in all directions for its own sake. It is irrespective of anyone or anything. I call it ‘unconditional’ because I am guessing that that is what it refers to , the kind of love that I mean, but really, it just means the bigness of loving that is so big that one can’t help but it emanates from one’s heart. The word unconditional actually I feel has limitations and conditions attached to that very word. Isn’t it ironical ?
So then, the word ‘unconditional’ is not the right word to use, because if someone wants to clamp down on that love, I will turn away and head somewhere else where I am free to love and be. People will automatically want to clamp down on that word and create a fight out of it, ‘prove it’ being a human feature.
Gee, I didn’t realize it was that simple. Can you tell, I just love being me ?
Well of course, what is right for me now is not right for everyone. I had done my homework, worked very hard to face the truth of myself, to look at every dark corner, with cobwebs and all and looked at every aspect as to cause and effect to cause and effect and really, where backwards does it really end ?
So now I reap. I frolic and play, my life right now. Because I know where I am. That’s all I need to know. I don’t really know where I am heading, but I will play and try things and let’s see where that brings me.
I have examined life forwards and backwards, life spans, and looked at the peculiarity of the choices human beings make. Really peculiar. I thought I was of the wrong mind, but it turns out, I am in my right mind.
So anyway, for now, I am in pleasure. The pleasure of existence. The place of reaping after all my hard work, that I can play safely and freely. Heavy duty serious self reflection of which is a major part of my life is done. Now, I play.
It does help that I love the cold, the winter, that I learnt to make choices, that I learnt to trust my own choices, decisions and emotions. That I met superb people, that I learnt to stand on my own irrespective of the actions of the others, as long as mine is right within my space and choices.
Truly I am guided, tremendously loved and very much protected. I am so blessed.
I don’t want to be a person that sends out love. That has to keep sending out love. I might as well make a machine that does that. I want to be a person that is love itself, my very presence will bring smiles and delight that even stooping flowers will stand upright in my presence.
Isn’t that great? 🙂