Doing as I am told.

Chug Chug Dream

So I went to fight class today, not knowing what to expect. The funny thing is, I have done the standing to well that even after 3 bouts of activities, I was still not done with one form. I enjoyed it so much because I was feeling the movements from within, and waiting for the movements. And of course there were the all sorts of students there. I was partnered with one, I refused to do more than my required just to please him. Before I’d tried to help him, but he so rudely turned to the teacher and asked ‘what is she talking about ?’ So now, I do what is right from me, the rest is none of my business to correct or to figure out. I practised to his style and his excessive force and no more.

Later, my teacher came to me and showed me what I could do to help that student out while also using the technique to my attacking advantage. So I accepted the instruction.

As for my melancholia, decidedly, a holiday, a new adventure, is awaiting me. Fresh experiences, energies, encounters. So I will set up visas, bookings, enquiries and whatever comes first. Train journeys through the white winter, or a workshop camp retreat. Maybe both. Transiberian railway adventure awaits me. If I delay more, I will depress myself. New experiences are my food, my inspiration, my oxygen, my vitamin.

Train journeys allow me to see sights, daydream without getting lost and needing to think too much about logistics, what to do and where to go. It would also allow me to read and get inspired from what I read. They tell me, it is cold, very cold. I say, maybe I need to freeze my brain a little, so that I never would need to pine for snow again every winter.

I am in a different phase of life, a different place, I have to rethink everything. I can’t go on thinking the same things and dreaming the same things and not checking how those things fit in with life, me with life.

I realized that what I used to enjoy no longer holds the same. What I used to be concerned about I can just totally shrug it away. So from a teeny bopper, I have completed that aspect of my life and whatever holes that were in there,  I have come into some sort of maturity. I have to feel my new place and position.

I can’t ever stay the same, I’d die. Die of boredom, die of depression.

I have sort of milked my position till there is nothing more. Therefore I need new experiences.

Ah, maybe there is also hope for those pictures for the blog.

I feel happy again. Something to look forward to.


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