Doing as I am told.

Merely

Let’s see how I start with today’s topic. I haven’t been on because I have felt really out of sorts. From what ? From Pain. Mighty Pain. Well, it’s not a huge pain, but it is bodily aches and pains so much so that I can’t do things right and that does spoil my mood. I was in no mood for anything.

So in that frame of mind, I had better not write.

Today I have plenty of free time. Free time to Mind Roam. How I love that. I do not like restraints. I like to explore. Explore my experiences, my bodily responses and with my mind that makes sense of things.

Right now I am not making sense yet. Now I will make sense out of everything going on these few days.

It will be about learning, pain, guitar, ice skating. The fine details and as a bonus, what made my heart open to love.

The thing about learning, it really is never ending, how high you can go, how well you can do. The process is always the same.

I am not even talking how high. Just the mere next step. The MERE next step.

Just when I thought I could sit back and bask and be total smug about getting a lesson on the spot, there comes the next one that makes me feel like I have to learn it all over again. Again the feeling of being dunce. Well, not ‘again’, because the first time I allowed myself for not knowing so it was all plus when I got even a little bit. But the next time round, even if it was something completely new, I felt the ‘not again’ , I believe this time referring to starting from scratch when I thought I could at least start the round  trotting rather than crawling.

Oh was I not in the mood. This pertains to the guitar. I was doing so well, my Teacher upped my learning.  I was given something that totally Stretched my fingers, used the tiny strings with my little fingers, which meant that I had to readjust my posture, really slouching sideways weird so that I can reach the notes and press the tips of my fingers on each string so as not to disturb the other strings.

Pain from the stretch across a few frets. Pain of the raw flesh upon the thin metal strings. Pain from the adjustments of the shoulders and back. The back muscular soreness coming from my ice skating practice.Pain of the frustration that I can’t do it. I can’t do it the first time, I can’t get it. I can’t coordinate the left index finger of the left hand to the right ring finger. And many more different finger coordination like that. How on earth can one ever learn ? How is it possible ?

Frustration that I can’t force it. I cannot keep on practising to get it right if I am already hurting, I cannot get it that way. Frustration of having to let it go for the day, for the time being.

Frustration is a pain. It adds to the physical pain.

So much pain hijacking my attention. How can I be in the mood for anything else?

***

Now the ice skating. I was whizzing across the length and breadth of the ring so well. Really well. I felt. Wowzerie, such Freedom, such speed, such grace.

Well, when it came time to deliver. I always call it Delivery of homework to my Coach, I couldn’t deliver so smoothly. It had to do with my 3-turn. Left foot. I still hadn’t found the right technique yet, I just fumbled across it. But at high speed, fumbling does not do. The balance is crucual for Perfect technique if one is to perform in high speed in total freedom of feeling the Speed, the Grace and the Unity with the ice. I mean, I want to enjoy the ice, memorizing my technique does not enable me to enjoy the ice, in fact, I won’t even notice the ice because my attention is in the Memorization of the Execution of my technique. I can’t enjoy it, how could you ? You’d only notice the pain of my effort of execution, it would probably show on my face and my furrowed eyebrows. It is a performance exhibition sport after all.

Anyway, when it came to lesson time, I knew I couldn’t perform. I couldn’t sit properly on my behind. I just couldn’t. My thighs ached, my back ached, my hips ached, my calves ached.  I just couldn’t do it. Now if  I couldn’t do these basic things, there is no point thinking anything grandeur for the day. I told my Coach that. So he simplified my practice. We did mostly only 3-turns on my weak side. Problem solving just why I couldn’t turn correctly. Wow. What an extreme slow motion. What extreme breakdown. See, it is only a turn and whisk, it is done. But to do it correctly, the starting point has to have the weight on the heel, which means I had to sit on my behind driving my left foot forward. Secondly, I needed to use my behind on the left to pull me backwards. Can you see how confusing this can get? You have to think about pushing going forwards at the same time of thinking sitting pulling backwards.  This has to be coordinated with the trunk motion as a whole. Thirdly I had to use the same left hip to do all the work of turning and not let my right leg swing around using momentum for the tur.

So that was all there is to it to my problem of left 3-turn. Just these three points and I’m in the Rock n Roll !

***

As I write this, it sounds very positive. I am amazed how learning takes place. As I wrote down my points for the 3-turn above, I know that once I get the point, I will be able to get it down pat. No problem.

As I write this, I have also been at strumming the guitar. Somehow hours later, my fingers ‘took’. I call it ‘take’ because it has nothing to do with my brain. It has to do with muscle memory. Once my brain tells it what it wants, even in the frustration that I spoke of earlier, somehow, later, the fingers ‘take’. They know where to go, my ears gives also the command of whether I am on the right string, close enough rather than being a total dunce. As I strum while writing this in pauses, it got the new song. It got the rhythm, somehow the pain is less and I can actually get a clear sound out of those tiny strings with my little finger.

Ah.

Pain. Like one who has given birth the natural way, the pain, one swears never to go through the pain again, but what happens? One forgets the pain. And goes on to have the next kid. And the Next, and next.

But I have to stop now with the guitar. I have reached my limit for the time being.

***

As to my writing, I like writing this way. Even my grammar turns out better. I am unable to finish my whole idea for the post, but there is always another post.

My word count above  is 1231. That’s my record.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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