Playing Catch Up vs Staying Ahead.
I feel harassed and harangued. I finally figured it out. I was disinclined to blog or even practise the guitar. It is about Time. Partly maybe. I was dragging my feet. I do not like being behind. I don’t like having to ‘practice’ to catch up. I like practising to stay ahead. See the difference ?
So what interrupted my nicely flowing life ?
I do not like dealing with people who have no sense of self and who actually bothers me in my space. When I am bothered, I am bothered. In that time of bother there is very little else I feel like doing till I am all settled again, putting things into its space.
I like a nice rhythmic life. A life of musical notes played and created in harmony.
Okay. You can tell I have been practising the guitar. Finally. I had to bring the guitar out to the park, I had planned to be further out toward the sea but the park benches were very inviting. The guitar had to be away from where I stay so as not to bore my neighbours with the same songs. I have been told to bring up the volume. Since I am striking the chords, it can get very loud.
I wasn’t very much in the mood when I got started, but as I played and changed the chords and notes in a smoother way, I enjoyed it more. I cannot help the redundant feeling how I can ever come to change the chords and notes perfectly without the accidental twang and missed string. It is redundant because I know that if I kept doing it, the perfection would come. It is really a moot point unless I self sabotage the perfect play by thinking it would never be I to do it. As I write this, I think there is something subconscious in play here.
I am amazed that my fingers and my ears can pick up quickly what to do, and that something is off ( I cannot tell exactly what is, just something being off). I was learning to count. One and two – – and three four. I could get into it.
But like I said, I am being harangued about time. So I have to settle for what I can do up till now. It does not feel satisfactory that I have to leave it. That’s because I have to be doing something else. I really do not like the Time obligations. I like Space where I can do something till its natural stop point. I like being immersed in something. I do not like cut off points. It disturbs my rhythm and disturbs me.
But now that I understand what is going on, I can leave it better. There is a bit more stuff of life to ‘catch up’ on before I can be in the ahead’ mentality again.
I feel that being in a harassed mood, my writing will have no quality to it. It is not a neutral state, which for me is the great place to be and write from.
I am beginning to understand what ‘minor’ means and what ‘diminished’ means, and what ‘sevenths’ mean. With a keyboard of black and white keys, it is easily understandable and countable. ‘Root’. ‘Thirds’. ‘Fourth notes’.
But I will still not question because it would come to the point of me asking, who said it must be that one note, or half note which makes the ‘flats’. Why not a quarter of the note or 1/8ths ? Why ?
See the danger of questioning ? I know I will find out eventually. All the knowledge is out there. So I will leave it till it comes. It is a curious thing to know but not a priority to spend time searching for the answer. I bought a few books about music, hoping the answer would be in there. I wouldn’t know till I read them and at the moment, I have other books to read first.
I have no music learning background whatsoever. It is really magical how someone can churn out fantastic music which so reaches the depths of the soul or bring great happiness to the day just humming along.
Well, it is really magical how someone can want to go through the pain of the fingers and the difficulty of coordinating the finger holds to get that perfect pitch and to change it so quickly to different formations as to make a fast song.
So really the world of music is so vast, I don’t even dare start with any one question. No need to ask till I can do them. Then we can ask.
As for figure skating, it is easier for me because I can work on the small details that can correct the movement to a higher degree as I understand body movement a lot more. As long as I can correct each movement every week, I can see myself going a long way toward the sport.
It is a different feeling with the music. My fingers’ ability to learn some new combination surprises me. But I have to rely on my teacher to show me what I am missing, or how I can correct something. I am less trusting of myself in learning music than in the ice skating.
The last week, I was unable to coordinate anything for my ice skating Coach. I told him I could not put my thigh on top of my leg, and my trunk does not feel like it is sitting properly on my hips.
When I skated, I held my trunk upright and could not even rotate it for a turn.
He asked me why. I said I didn’t know. I wasn’t even in pain. I just was disinclined to move. Meaning, my body won’t rotate naturally by itself. Even if I were to give it a command to turn, I turned like a stiff robot. Now that I think about it, it is the prolonged guitar static posture with my neck held in one way to read the notes that stiffened me. I did wake up one day with a wry neck. That was the day I could not turn my trunk.
That on top of one previously creaky knee which my body would not trust the leg to hold my full weight. Hence the inability to naturally do the 3-turn to the left.
So one activity affects the other.
Harassed and harangued. Even my posts have to play ‘catch up’.
However, this post is done. So we leave space for the other stuffs.