I must pat pat pat myself on the head. I can actually see the way I write forming itself in sentences that impresses even me. Not bad ! I did not expect that. Somehow the command of the flow comes through. I have experimented with styles and wordings, thoroughly enjoying the process.
I like the look of my own writing !
Postaday 2011 is fantastic. Without it, I wouldn’t have gone so far about my writing. Practice makes perfect. Talking monologue everyday makes perfect. Blogging is monologing isn’t it ?
That’s plenty natural for me. After all I talk to myself in my head. My thoughts talk to each other, have their scenarios in my brain. So it’s nothing really to print it all out.
What is happening I find is that I become more selective about what to write about. I mean I wrote a piece about a movie, 3D Captain America. While that made a perfectly legitimate blog post, it did not interest me.
I also no longer want to say that I have nothing to say for today.
It’s really interesting to see what topic I can dig up, usually it would somehow need to be accessed by a current stimulant, or else, I find I don’t deliver so well cold.
I find that if I reached my rawest soul matter, it gets responses. However, due to its dangerousness, I hesitate to do that too often. Too many stars died because of that. Ahem. Star that I am. Okay, stick one on my forehead. Ya well, I won’t be able to die glamorously like them. I am past that date already.
I did feel for a moment that I had to be on something to get anything of the soul written. That something being a self made brain chemical created by my situation of Number 4 as described in the previous post. You hear of writers who can only write when consuming alcohol, or artists who can only channel their creativity when on some sort of a weed or something.
When I made my decision to become sane again, moving away from the 4, I worried that sanity brought no topics. No drama, no melodrama. Sanity is average, is commonplace.
But that is not true. Melodrama addresses one aspect. Sanity brings a lot more other aspects, humor being one. I aspire to write from the place of Number 1 (see previous post. Omg, am I that lazy that I wouldn’t even post a link?) For that I have to be total Sane and funny and captivating. Writing from Number 4, brings nothing but self gratification, which over time comes self destruction but the book will be immortal. Talk about selling the soul. Who wrote the Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath ?
No no no. I will not sell my soul. (Hey I can write a song with this, following the lines of Amy Winehouse) I don’t want to go down that path of tortured genius. Very romantic yes, in notion but not to live it. Suffering. Well, a kind of proud suffering.
See, I am pretty sane today and look I have so many words down too.
Sigh, my only suffering for blogging is finding tag and category names. I don’t quite totally understand how to name them.
August 16, 2011 | Categories: Blogging, Writing | Tags: enneagram, enneagram and writing, genius and madness, melancholia, postaday2011, tortured writer | Leave a comment
Today I decide to be wordy. Wordy and long winded.
It has been an awesome weekend. I have been shocked and pleasantly horrified. Horrors first then lightbulb realization.
See the title of my blog? Personal puzzle solving blog.
LOL and I did get my answer.
Ask and there the answer shall be.
Ask the right question, therein the answer.
Well, my very blog asks this question. And it verily got the answer.
Creeped me out.
In a good way.
A blogger had earlier done an enneagram. For the lark of it, I decided to redo it. Now I wasn’t very into enneagrams. It was too subjective and there were too many elements with wings and progressions and regressions. It was just too complicated. I did a test maybe ten years ago. I was a seven.
For the lark of it, I decided to do the quick 5 minute test, then another 10 minute test. Both ended up as a 4.
So I read up on it. I was really uninterested. See, how wrong it can be. How could I be a seven then a few years later be a 4?
But shock upon horrors. OmG. Like AW MAH GAWD !!!!!!
The Romantic Melancholic Depressive, Self Torturing Artist !!!!!
WHAT? I thought I was unfeeling. I thought I was very logical. I never thought I’d be one of those torturous souls who would cut off her ears for the sake of art and madness.
So I read on.
And on.
And on.
All different versions as can be found on the net.
………….
See, the way I had been going, I had used up all my brain cells available to figure things out. To figure my life out. I had reached a point where I could think no further. There was no further answer. So I did as I normally do. Just continue with life albeit limping figuratively because it was the best I could do. Hoping the answer would turn up someday. And it did.
*****
I believe in life progression. We evolve up, not sideways. Up means you go straight to the heart of the matter and deal with it directly. Change and transformation a snap of the fingers. Sideways means you beat around the bush looking very busy but arriving at nothing but noise and distractions and looking important. Nothing changes.
So at any point in time, I look for clues of progression. I do not stick to any particular school of thought except for the moment that I come across it. If it fits, I wear it. If not, I will not pain myself over it.
So at this moment, Enneagram it is. Number 4. For consolation, Edgar Allan Poe my favourite author is one. He has a way of expressing that is so literal into the experience itself. I can never forget his writings, how he drew me in to where he wanted me, in the story itself. I could feel the mania of the guy wiping down the whole house after he committed murder. Wiping down the stairs and banister, to the whole house, starting at the murder scene. He described crazy really well, he must have been in it, experienced it. He died in poverty and depression.
Johnny Depp is one, he picks cool weird movies.
James Dean is one.
Jackie O is one.
Kurt Cobain.
Etc.
******
How do I explain to you what I got from it?
Now that would really be long winded. Suffice to say I found what I was missing, what I didn’t understand, and from that, what I needed to do, to be aware of.
I also found out why I was so good at certain things. Nothing special about it, I was just a number 4 and it comes with it. (I could write a song about Number 4 !) Number 4s, when in their full potential are terrific insightful beings able to see the tragic of life as well as the full glory of the human spirit.
Lead the way Number 4. Let’s bring the tragic to the full glory.
*****
Yes Amy Winehouse has affected me. She was only 27. A life snuffed out. She awoke the deeper human side of me to the surface. Why her? I don’t know. When needs be, even a rock and a traffic light can show me things.
I bought a magazine that is solely a tribute to her. I listened to some of her songs repeatedly. I said some because I dared not listen to the others. Her suffering was in those songs, and it is too much for me.
And so I came to understand Soul. What soul music meant.
Plus Scott Berkun’s topic, head or heart?
Amy Winehouse brought the heart home to me.
Plus the keen observations of my friend that I mentioned in a previous blog that a part of my life is missing.
So the completion of my life is beginning.
I still have lots of work to do.
With the answers
now I can apply them.
Next Phase is conplete.
It is now,
This Phase.
Now.
August 14, 2011 | Categories: Becoming Oneself, Next Phase | Tags: amy winehouse, answers, enneagram, life progression, personal puzzle, postaday2011, soul | Leave a comment
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