Stretching Time…
Here’s an example of how my brain functioned today with regards to stretching time.
I’d missed a ferry today, next one would be 50 minutes later.
Now 50 minutes is neither long nor short.
It is somewhere in between.
It’s too long for me to just sit down and wait.
Too short for me to do anything else in particular.
My mood, I wanted to go ice skating. I had plenty of time to do unhurried skating today before work.
But 50 minutes wait is 50 minutes less of ice skating. Although I had deliberately unhurried, due to a freer day, 50 minutes is 50 minutes long!
Where I would normally have a coffee outdoors, 50 minutes would be pleasant, the sun does not hit that spot at that time of the day.
I was struggling. Restless. Bored. Very Bored.
I was distressed. OMG, I started getting depressed about the Meaning of Life.
As I struggled, I walked around, remembering there was a little skate park nearby.
I went there and decided to figure out my 3-turn, (that’s what it’s called, just going straight and changing directions to backwards).
What was it about the upper torso, the arms positioning, the no-twist, the using the knees, the smoothness, the glide into position so naturally?
So in my normal shoes I tried the positions, in utter slow motion. Hey, I am not gliding anywhere in rubber soled shoes !
And I think I got it. By Jove, I think I got it !
Forwards outside turn, inside turn,
Backwards outside turn, inside…… !
Oh… I can’t wait to get to the ice rink.
I looked at the time, lo and behold, 10 minutes to ferry time.
Where did the time go ?
That distressing time became a nugget of no-time gold for me.
And I shall look for my inline skates. I think it is easier to practice on inline skates because the friction is greater and I can put on more protective gear in case of falls.
Time for the ferry !
All Else is Irrelevant
I don’t always know what to think
Therefore I don’t always know what to write.
I actually like not knowing what to think
It means I have nothing to think about
Which is a good thing.
***
Once upon a time
I used to say that I am like this and I am like that.
Now I can’t even say that.
Because I evolve so quickly that what I said may no longer mean anything.
Perhaps I can say this. I am as the the truth that I have understood today.
***
Maybe I can say this
I used to react very badly to certain things.
Later I found out that I could trust my reaction
because it does indicate very clearly that something is very wrong.
So now, instead of reacting, I can see clearly what is wrong
So I don’t react.
Guess what happens.
Because I don’t react, the other thinks that it’s not a problem.
So it seems that I have to react
to show that it is a problem.
But I later mentioned with an exaggerated tired sigh
why do people want to force people into reactions
by responding with care only when there are reactions?
Why does not the person be conscientious himself to hold himself with containment?
***
Today I understood the Meaning of Life
After decades of searching deep and high, wide and shallow
It is simply this
What do you get up for in the morning ?
***
Today also I had a new kind of experience
I can be mad at a certain thing or someone
but contain it within that certain thing or someone
and continue in serenity participating in class.
It is weird for me
because when I am upset, it means I am upset at the whole entire world
and my whole evening is spoilt, or my whole classroom experience is spoilt and I would never want to go back again.
But today I experienced it different.
Like I said, my fight class, I never know how I feel about it.
The experience is not consistent.
Sometimes I love it, sometimes I wonder what I am doing there.
Today I got upset at certain conditions and people because I just wanted to train and I was bothered by them.
But one of the instructors went to tell the other instructor that I was unhappy with and he came out to explain the situation for me. I told him that it was an organizational thing, that I was going to encounter it again and again because their arrangement was such. Then quickly I changed the subject, I said, ok, remedy this by showing me this one technique.I looked back at the other trainer who was smiling away, knowing that I was giving him a way out, and a way for us both to quickly get it over with because he knows that all I want to do is to get on with learning and practice and not politics stuffs.
He showed me half, and then left me.
He thought I was just half baked.
But no. I remember.
Yes, I will remember with him, or some other students,
otherwise, I think by now I understand that I am there to learn
to practice, hopefully to have some fun, but if not, then to learn and to practice because that itself is my pleasure.
So in a few hours of these multiple occurences
I learnt that I will go back again next time
again
and again.
And what I can expect each time
is that I won’t ever know how I will feel about anything or anyone.
But that I will know is I will leave the place having gained something.
Some refinement to the technical skills.
All else I can interact with, react accordingly
war with you, laugh with you, ignore you
At the end of it, what do I leave with ? Is what will be the constant.
So this is my conclusion and understanding for now.
It could be different next time.
I wouldn’t know until I know.
Until then, this is how I am.
***
So for now,
what gets me up in the morning ?
I don’t really know
Probably wondering what truths and insights I will get
from the day’s experience.
But because life ends in the blink of an eye
and if the meaning of life is as deep and complex
as what gets me up in the morning
then all else of life can’t really matter.
All those big big issues and dramas.
So let me keep an eye on what get’s me up in the morning
and I hold till the evening
That’s what matters.
All else is irrelevant.
(tempers, drama, upsets, inconsiderate peoples, dumbasses)
Brain Gear
Hmm. I sit here reluctant to write anything. I am waiting for inspiration, a snap of the fingers and the hand starts typing. Usually when my brain is in neutral, I am reluctant to disturb it. It is resting. Usually my brain is very busy.
Oh I know what. My brain is usually busy, just where and what it is busy with that differs. Usually for me to write anything good, I have to have a full day of doing nothing, just being in neutral gear for the brain, which is different from being bored. Bored is busy-ness for the mind, agitated mind to be placated. Neutral mind is at ease, at peace and just chilling. Being in neutral gives me the space for something to come up, something that is not rubbish, but actually meaningful. So if I have had a busy day meeting people and working, then by the time I come back, I do not have the unwinding of the day and making sense of it to actually write anything that I myself will enjoy.
Imperative that I enjoy my own writing.
And I just did.
A Separate Mind
Hmm. I have to figure out now how to use the typekit. I love this theme but I am not too keen on its font. It’s too round and cartoony and thick.
Anyway, today’s topic for the day is about me learning the bass guitar. Over the years I found I am non musical, which is really strange because I am good at accents in languages. Shouldn’t that make me musical ? But I have no notion of music, how to make one. I am only a listener enjoying them. Not too sophisticated either. Simple bubblegum pop is good enough to raise my spirits and keep it raised. I guess that’s because the rest of my life and my brain analyses is on the heavy side, I don’t need to add that aspect to music. Music really is beyond my comprehension. I am not sure of its logic. Of its effects I know. Just who made the 12 notes for example ? Why is it only twelve ? How can twelve notes make such tremendous study like the classicals? My friends and neighbours learning piano up to the diploma level, what they do is a mystery to me. Not that they can enlighten me either after all those years of hard work and exams in music theory.
So, like the Daily Post inspiring topic , I can live forever, I decided to go it, after doing what I needed to do and accomplish in my life, now I am going for the non serious stuff. There is no career out of it and there is nothing that I can see to add to my repertoire of expertise. It stands on its own. I am not even sure I will get to jam with anyone else. I am just so clueless. But I decided I will have plenty of time. I am sure I am not so dumb, let’s try it, before I die. I have the means to get me the guitar and the books now. Oh yes, I have not decided to take lessons yet for I will not take the pressure of performance for now. As if blogging and writing is not pressure enough on top of other things.
So I picked up my bass guitar, going slowly. I am surprised. After learning to sight read the notes and the left hand on the frets and the right hand doing the one two rhythm, I have surprised myself. While I am still trying to read the notes and coordinate my left hand on the neck and my right hand to find the right string, suddenly, my hands go much faster than my ability to say my abcs and even faster than I can follow the notes. It suddenly remembers the rhythm and space and goes it by itself. I found that amazing. It learnt by itself. I am not even sure which aspect to concentrate on. The singing of the notes abc, the looking at the notes, or just letting my fingers swing in its own rhythm and memory, following perfectly, which will help me learn the music better ? Anyway, I think it is fantastic. Especially it had been difficult for me to differentiate on which bar the black dot is on to differientiate the notes. I have to count each note, or go back to the cheat sheet, or tabs. I also thought I was going to have a hard time remembering the sequence of notes. But no, I am doing real fine !
I think it’s going to be ok after all. I myself am amazed how my hands learn by themselves and go their way. Isn’t the body just amazing, how it has a mind of its own independent of my own brain ?
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